Anniversaries and Butterflies

Today would have been our 2nd wedding anniversary.  This is my 2nd wedding anniversary without Mark; last year, we were having a memorial service/celebration of life service for him on what would have been our first wedding anniversary.  That was a hard day.  They say the first year is the hardest.  I would have to agree, yet I have no other years to compare it to.  I wanted to take a moment to thank all of you for being there for my family over this past year, for being there for me. Your kind words, your cards, your Facebook posts, your memories shared with me make me feel like I'm not alone.  Thank you.

Here is the letter that I wrote to Mark last year.  It was read at the memorial service by Pastor Tim. I still miss him.  I'm still so thankful.  And I still cherish the love that we had for each other.  And, most importantly, I still believe that God is good.  

Dear Mark,

I miss you.

I miss getting up late and making you crepes for breakfast.

I miss our short walk around the block.

I miss seeing you in your Ecuadorian hat.

I miss listening to you sing “eensy, weensy spider” to Moses.

I miss seeing your smile when Noah walks into the room.

I miss your wisdom and insight.

I miss hearing you say “I love you SOOOOO much”

I miss you, my best friend.

Thank you for holding on to life, even when it hurt.

Thank you for giving me one more birthday.

One more thanksgiving.

One more Christmas.

One more year to enjoy this new life together and make the best memories.

Thank you for being so strong.

I love you.

I love your smile.

I love your witty and dry sense of humor.

I love how you love your boys, and Becca and Moses.

I love how you love me.

I’m grateful that God gave us the gift of redemption.

I’m grateful that today we would be celebrating our first anniversary.

I’m hopeful that others will see God’s goodness.

I’m hopeful that God will continue to use our story.

I’m hopeful that I will see you again and it will be just as sweet and genuine as it was the day we were married.

I miss you.

I love you.

I can’t wait to see you again.

Love, Kelley

A letter to Mark, on our 2nd anniversary:

Dear Mark,

I got the day off work today.  I slept in late, just like old times.  I made crepes for breakfast and remembered how much we loved eating breakfast together.  Crepes with berries and lemon curd, our new favorite.  I will get together with the kids today.  Becca made a cake and we are going to celebrate together; you always loved Becca's desserts--who doesn't?  Noah will join us.  He is working today, at his new job.  You'd be so proud of him.  As you know, he's been right by my side this year, always checking in on me, making sure I'm okay.  We think of you often.  I think the thing the kids miss most is your wisdom and insight; Keenan mentioned a few weeks ago how he misses your ability to look at a situation and parcel out the important things with your thoughtfulness. We all miss your smile, your hugs, the way you loved us with a whole heart.  

I miss sharing life with you.  I'm so grateful that we got that last year to fill with memories.  I'm reminded of you each time I see a yellow butterfly. Erin, our grief counselor, pointed out a yellow butterfly in our backyard on the day that you passed away.  She said maybe that was God's way of letting me know that you're still near.  I took that to heart.  I now have a tattoo of a butterfly with roses on my forearm to remind me of you everyday.  The whole family notices yellow butterflies now, even Moses.  I think he knows the sign for butterfly.  Wow, he's the best. . . you would have the best time hanging out with him.  And guess what? He loves basketball!  I bought him a little hoop just yesterday.  That's all he wants to do when he visits.  He is truly our grandson, through and through!  

Life continues to move forward.  Noah & I will be moving out of the family house this summer.  I know you'd love our new place.  We're going to Sunriver in a week or so and will ride the trail that you loved so much.  Taylor is going to ride it with us this year, too; Tyler has helped get her all the gear she needs.  We're all looking forward to being together; we will think of you and do what we can to include you in our trip--mountain biking of course will be the priority, just like you'd want.  

I miss you.  I love you.  I can't wait to see you again.

Love, Kelley

Miracle on S.W. 3rd Street

The following story is one that Mark and I wrote back in the year 2000.  It is the story of how we came to own the house on 3rd Street.  I found it tucked away in a drawer; it reminds me of God's goodness, faithfulness and blessing on our family.  As we prepare to move, my hope is that the family that takes ownership of this house will come to know "how wide and long and high and deep is the love of God",  just as we have come to know and experience that here. Despite the pain and loss, there has also been much joy; I know that Mark would agree.

Miracle on S.W. 3rd Street. 
May 2000

All older homes have a history, a list of previous owners, all with their individual tragedies and triumphs that come with life and are a part of living in any home. We will add ours to the life of the is house.  But before we do, we want to tell the story of how this home came to belong to the Reckers, a long string of miracles that provided us not only at the home of our dreams, but also a testimony to the faithfulness and goodness of God.

Before this house came on the horizon, there were miracles that positioned us in time, place and resources to make it possible.  Mark got a job in Canby, and after a couple years, we sold an older home in Oregon City for a good profit so we could move to Canby.  We purchased a comfortable, newer home in a quiet neighborhood where we fully intended to live at least until the kids were gone.  We had recently done some remodeling to give the house more character.

Since moving to Canby, we had always kept our eyes open for cute older homes, and there weren't that many.  The house at 285 S.W. 3rd was always our favorite, and occasionally we would say something like, "if that house ever comes up for sale we're going to buy it." Of course, we had no idea what the asking price would be, an important consideration given the fact that we have limited resources, and we had no way of knowing if we could be the first one to show up with an acceptable offer. This was not something we counted on for our future.  For years we went through stages of looking at other houses.  Everything we thought we wanted seemed just out of reach.  Time and again we settled back into making the house in Cedar Ridge more a home.

Then Mark began attending a bible study with Gary, the son of the owner of the home on 3rd St.  This was the first of many miracles.  Mark and another member of the study told him that if his father ever wanted to sell, they were interested. Gary, the son, laughed and said, "Yeah, you and a hundred others." Early in September 1999, Gary came up to Mark in the greeting time before the sermon at church and said, "My dad said that the first decent offer on his doorstep gets the house".  Mark couldn't concentrate very well on the sermon, wondering if he should disturb Kelley with the news, how we were going to be first, how we were going to come up with the money, how we were going to sell our home in a very slow market. After the service Mark told Kelley and made an appointment with Gary to see the the house.  We both fell in love with it, but the best commitment we could get out of Bob, the owner, was "I'll tell you when I'm ready".  He didn't say he wouldn't tell anyone else, but we felt good about our meeting with him.  We immediately put a For Sale by Owner sign on our house that very afternoon.  We thought we had plenty of time to sell and we wanted to save the realtor commission (this would allow for some extra cash or allow us to sell at a lower price and secure a buyer).  

The miracles continued.

The other man in the bible study who we thought was just as interested as we were, wasn't interested anymore.  No one in Bob's family was interested. Bob chose us, and stuck to the original price, against the advice of many who thought he could make more by putting it on the market.  God provided a buyer for our home out of the blue, who wasn't too concerned about the LP siding (a problem we knew had to be fixed), and who made an acceptable offer. God turned away as a buyer another family who really liked our old house but couldn't quite afford it.  We were ready to take a significantly lower amount than what we got.

Then Bob changed his mind.  First, he wasn't in a hurry. Then he found a place and needed to sell quick.  Then he wasn't in a hurry.  Then he found another place.  At one point, his realtor was on her way to make an offer on a place for him.  The end was in sight and we might be in by Christmas!  On her way she got a call from Bob telling her he had changed his mind and was going to wait until spring.  

We had a buyer for our home who wanted it now.  We agonized over whether to get out of our deal and hope that someone would come along at the right time in the spring.  We were going to have to wait until spring.  Kelley did not want to move twice.  She was willing to call off the deal with our buyers and try to sell again in the spring. We were already past the time when we should have called our buyers to tell them the deal was off and intended to call them the next day.  Mark went to a conference in Eugene, and on the return trip shared our situation with his coworkers. Both advised that we should go for it, that they had taken chances in their lives and never regretted it.  What was the worse that could happen?  Mark arrived home almost sick.  He did not want to bring up the topic again.  But he didn't have to.  During a day of prayer and talking to friends, God had changed Kelley's mind.  We would sell the house, move into temporary housing and pray that everything would work out.  We had a great sense of peace with our decision. We felt that regardless of what happened with the house, God was going to take care of us.

Now we needed a place to live.  At exactly the right time, God provided a cute, clean, roomy, older duplex for rent with a garage for storage.

Bob left for Palm Springs for the winter after signing a sales agreement with us.  We moved into the duplex to wait, knowing that nothing was certain until we moved in.

At one point, we were contacted by a friend who advised us to get a buyers agent. No reasons were given, but we believed that if this was not to be our house, then God must have something better for us.  We continued to wait, but a little more nervously.

The end came in a whirlwind, a little sooner than we expected it. Bob found a house and the owner was in a hurry to move. From the time we heard Bob had found a house to the date we actually moved in was only about 6 weeks!

In spite of increasing interest rates, we found a loan with a manageable payment schedule.  We had an easy move because of great friends and the fact that much of our stuff was already packed. We got the keys to the house and went to work. We pulled up the old carpeting right away, to discover beautiful hardwood floors.  And God provided some furnishings at just the right time, for less money than we expected to pay. Gary even left behind a basketball hoop for the boys.

The string of circumstances and events is too long and complicated to have been orchestrated by us.  We fully acknowledge God's hand in providing for us our dream house.  We dedicate this house, and everything that happens here, to Him.  Let the tragedies and triumphs that occur during our residence here give testimony to the greatness of God.

I know that was a very lengthy post.  Thank you for reading to the end, because I believe that's the best part.  God is great, God is good.